PERFECTIONISM: A SELF-IMPOSED STRESSOR

I consider myself a "recovering perfectionist". This means that although I have come a long way, I continue to work at overcoming my tendency of wanting perfection in everything. I discovered that being a perfectionist was hard on myself as well as others. I missed out on fun since I wouldn't try new things unless I thought I could do them well. I was critical of others' imperfections. I found myself "fixing" things that my children did that weren't up to my standards, while telling them not to be perfectionists and that is was OK to make mistakes. I was afraid to make mistakes. I even went into a profession in which it can be life-threatening or serious to make mistakes. Not making a mistake in nursing is the norm; that is what is expected of us. We have built-in procedures to help us prevent making mistakes. Naturally, since we are human, nurses do make mistakes. The key is to recognize a mistake when made and then be accountable for taking corrective action.

I remember a teacher that one of my daughter's had who insisted on a hand-written term paper without a single mistake, erasure, or correction. That really drove home to me how ridiculous perfection can be.

For whatever reason(s) we become perfectionists, we can take control and change this behavior. Most of us place this burden on ourselves. I suggest that you examine your life and identify those areas in which you insist on perfection. Then consider how important those areas are in the long run. Is there something you can ease up on or let go of to reduce the pressure you place on yourself to have perfection? I had to set my priorities and decide which areas were important to me and which I could release. In my busy life I was able to ease up on my expectations for cleaning the house and doing chores. I built in some flexibility and allowed myself time to enjoy myself. I had to allow others to do things differently from me and that "my way" wasn't the only "right way" for things to get done.

Dr. Jerry Jampolsky gave me a question to ask myself that has really stuck with me and is a helpful motto to follow: "WOULD I RATHER BE HAPPY OR RIGHT?" Other helpful approaches for me were to learn to not take myself and life so seriously and to "LIGHTEN UP!" as well as to be kind and gentle and patient with myself as I learned to let go of my perfectionism. The latter involved being able to acknowledge my successes rather than to put myself down for my mistakes.

Learn to treat yourself as you would your own best friend, since you really are the ONLY person you HAVE to live with your whole life. Many people grow up feeling they are never good enough. Do the best that you can in each moment recognizing that this will vary from time to time. It does not mean being "perfect". You really are GOOD ENOUGH and you do DESERVE THE BEST!