DEALING WITH CRITICISM

Do you find yourself experiencing a stress response when receiving criticism from others? Most people do not like criticism, especially if it is unsolicited. I have found the following approach helpful in dealing with criticism.

The challenge is to not take criticism too personally. You may feel attacked by the criticism, which naturally evokes the response to defend yourself or attack back. The way out of this cycle is to take a deep breath and disengage from the attack-defense cycle. By offering no resistance you take away the fight.

Once you have controlled the emotional defense cycle, listen fully to what is being said to you. Ask questions for clarification so that you understand the other person's viewpoint. Next take time to reflect on the comments made and examine them for any possible truth. Try to be open. Then if you find any truth to what is being said decide for yourself if you might want to work on making a change in your behavior. If so go about taking the necessary steps to change. You may or may not wish to acknowledge this to the person making the criticism.

If you decide there is no real truth to the criticism, you can just let it roll off and do some work on letting it go. You may choose to acknowledge the person making the criticism by saying something like, "Thank you for sharing your opinion." This closes the conversation in a positive way.

Sometimes the process I described above takes time for consideration and action. Do not feel that you have to respond right away. You can respectfully say that you would like some time to consider what has been said.

Remember to maintain your boundaries when being criticized. Just because someone says something doesn't make it true; it may just be their opinion. Sometimes another person has a problem and tries to make it yours. If you are subject to verbal abuse and can't leave a situation, you can protect yourself mentally using imagery placing yourself in some peaceful safe place.

Granted the approach I have outlined takes some practice and is not always easy to do. Once again, the techniques I use are simple though not necessarily easy.