GIVING CRITICISM

Last week I talked about dealing with criticism in such a way as to reduce a stressful reaction to it. As a follow up this week I thought I would offer some suggestions for giving criticism.

One step that is often helpful is to get the person's permission before giving criticism. People who don't want criticism aren't generally receptive anyway and may only end up resenting you for offering it.

The second step I suggest is to look at your intention for sharing the criticism or comment. Be sure your motive comes from a caring helpful place. I generally recommend withholding comments that are meant to hurt another or to seek revenge.

A third consideration in offering your criticism is to own your opinion or comments. This can be done by starting with the word "I" instead of "You". Some positive examples might include such words as "I have noticed . . .", "It seems to me . . . ", "I am wondering if you have considered . . . ", or "What some people have found that works really well is . . . ".

Lastly, I disagree with the approach of "sandwiching" a negative comment between two positive ones. There is a greater impact if each is offered separately in its own time, since many people are selective and hear only what they want to hear and ignore the rest.