GIVING UP RESISTANCE

How did you do with observing what you resist in your life? Are you ready to look at moving on? Perhaps you, like I, have heard the saying, "What you resist persists". This generally seems to be true.

So in order to reduce our stress related to resistance we need to take the next step, which is acceptance. One of my favorite considerations with regard to this is the Serenity Prayer. Many people have heard this without knowing it by that name. My version of Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer is:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Another of my favorite sayings related to acceptance is, "It is what it is." Some people spend a lot of time and energy trying to change things that can't be changed. So it is helpful to look at a situation and ask yourself what, if anything, about the situation is under your control. What actions can you take to change the situation?

Next you can ask yourself if you are willing to take the appropriate action(s). Perhaps it would take too much effort and the situation is not that important to you. Perhaps there is some risk involved and you are not willing to take that risk. For example, if it is related to your job you might be risking getting fired, demoted, or some form of retaliation. Do you choose to take that risk?

Just because you can take action doesn't mean that you need to do so. It is your choice. When you choose not to make a change, however, in order to avoid stress you need to remind yourself that is is your choice and thus you are not a victim.

Many people have difficulty with acceptance because they want to make changes in their lives. Acceptance is not about being resigned to the way things are but instead being able to be present and observe that which is without resistance. Giving up the resistance is a key step to moving forward and making change.

So this week, spend some time looking at what control you have in those situations stressful to you. Do you have little or no control and need to accept what is? Then practice saying, "It is what it is."

If on the other hand, you have some control, look to see what actions you would need to take. Then ask yourself if you are willing to do so, considering the effort and possible risk.

Whether or not you have control in a situation determines which of my techniques and tips for managing stress are appropriate for you to learn and use. Consequently becoming aware of this is a key step in learning to manage your stress.