STRESS OF BEING A CAREGIVER

In this discussion I am writing about awareness of stress as it related to a recent personal experience. Regardless of how much I have worked with stress and how much self-reflection I do, stress crept up on me and caught me off guard during an ongoing period of crisis. During crises our regular practices and schedules are apt to be disrupted and self-awareness may become limited.

I have recently been called upon to become an almost full time caregiver of a sick loved one. My focus was turned so completely to the other person's needs that I neglected my usual self-awareness and self-care practices. I thought I was handling my emotions in a positive, constructive manner. I eventually discovered that they had been suppressed and eventually were released in an out-of-control manner. My daughter suggested I read my own book!

I have had a life-long tendency to handle things myself. I had plenty of offers from others to help, but I couldn't identify the help I might need. As it turned out I needed help in taking care of myself. I needed an outlet for my feelings and emotions to avoid build-up and to maintain a constructive level of coping. I needed to care for myself in the moment rather than putting it off to "when I get a chance".

Intellectually I "understood" the stress of being a caregiver, but experience is a much more effective teacher. I used to tell others in a caregiver role to be sure to take care of themselves in order to take care of others. This can be a real challenge when you are actually in the situation. Focus on others and fatigue may leave you as the last or even forgotten consideration of the day.

So what do I recommend? First acknowledge the situation, saying to yourself "This is a crisis and I need to increase my level of self-awareness and include myself in my priorities". Have a safe outlet to express your feelings. This may be another family member, close friend, counselor or some combination of these. The problem with family members is that they may be experiencing their own issues in the crisis. In the absence of such people I suggest journaling or writing down your feelings. Schedule in "mini" sessions when you can be by yourself and do some relaxing or self-reflection. Keep in touch with your feelings and stress level and take action as needed to deal with your stress. Don't just think about it and say you will do it as soon as you get time. Accept others' offers to help. Get away and do something nurturing just for you. Self care is not being selfish. It allows you to renew your strength and energy to keep on giving.