TECHNIQUES FOR FORGIVING

The most direct way to forgive when you are ready to do so is to address the person or situation directly. This can be done in person, by phone, or in a written communication. In today's world many people use email for communication. I prefer a more personal form of communication.

Similarly, you can journal your thoughts or write a letter you don't send about the situation to release the emotions around it. With a letter you can tear it up, set it aside, or even burn it to conclude the process.

In some situations the person(s) involved may be deceased or unavailable for direct contact; or there may be danger involved in direct contact. In these cases you can use role-playing or imagery to forgive.

In role-playing you get someone to play the role of the person you want to forgive and then you say what you would like to say with the other person listening and receiving your message in a positive, accepting way.

Imagery is similar to role-playing but involves bringing to mind the person or situation involved, imagine saying what you have to say, and then imagine the response you would like to receive. Another way of using imagery is to imagine placing your thoughts into some kind of container and then sending it off (e.g. mail, hot air balloon) or otherwise concluding the situation (bury it). The great thing about imagery is that you can create anything you want in your mind.

You may want to use more than one method to fully complete the forgiveness process. Some people like to use a physical action to symbolize and reinforce the releasing aspect of forgiveness. For example, you can close your fist and then open it while verbally affirming "I now let go."

In complex or more difficult situations it may be helpful to use multiple techniques and/or to repeat the process until you are able to fully let go. Forgiveness starts with a recognition of the need to forgive. The next step may be just a willingness to forgive, with actual steps in forgiving following at your own state of readiness for the process. It will take as long as it takes and that is OK.

Thanksgiving is coming up this next week. This is a time when expectations can pop up to create stress so you may wish to go back and review the blog of 11/06/09 on expectations.

WISHING YOU A RELAXING LESS STRESS-FILLED THANKSGIVING!