I have taken a long break in posting new comments. All the former posts are still good for review. I have recently distributed more copies of my book so I want all to know that I still am available to answer questions or enter discussions. You may also contact me to obtain copies of my book.
I would love to hear from you.
Namaste, Mimi
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
GRIEVING
Have you missed my posts? I keep checking in case anyone out there has a comment or question. Don't be shy. I'd love to hear any comments or questions.
I'm not sure what to post next so I'll share what has helped me in my grieving process following the death of my husband last July. Having a nursing background I thought I knew what to expect in grieving, according to the various phases or steps I had learned. Instead, I found a focus that enabled me to move through this process more easily.
Right from the start, I experienced the benefit of focusing on and being fully in the present moment. In a meditation led by my minister at church the day after the memorial service for my husband, I began to sob deeply as soon as the music started. The minister guided me and the rest of the congregation in focusing on each breath, in and out. I was amazed at how readily I could go to and experience that place of inner peace and safety. I have continued to remind myself to do this whenever I am tempted to feel sorry for myself or get into my story, such as I am now alone; he left me; and so on. I am able to let go of any stories and know that in this moment I am safe, loved and at peace.
There are times when I remember or see something that reminds me of my loss. That is natural. I observe and acknowledge it and any related feelings. Then I let it go, returning to my present moment experience.
This technique is helpful in many circumstances other than grief. See where you can use it. For further reading on this subject, I refer you to Eckhart Tolle's books The Power of Now and A New Earth.
I'm not sure what to post next so I'll share what has helped me in my grieving process following the death of my husband last July. Having a nursing background I thought I knew what to expect in grieving, according to the various phases or steps I had learned. Instead, I found a focus that enabled me to move through this process more easily.
Right from the start, I experienced the benefit of focusing on and being fully in the present moment. In a meditation led by my minister at church the day after the memorial service for my husband, I began to sob deeply as soon as the music started. The minister guided me and the rest of the congregation in focusing on each breath, in and out. I was amazed at how readily I could go to and experience that place of inner peace and safety. I have continued to remind myself to do this whenever I am tempted to feel sorry for myself or get into my story, such as I am now alone; he left me; and so on. I am able to let go of any stories and know that in this moment I am safe, loved and at peace.
There are times when I remember or see something that reminds me of my loss. That is natural. I observe and acknowledge it and any related feelings. Then I let it go, returning to my present moment experience.
This technique is helpful in many circumstances other than grief. See where you can use it. For further reading on this subject, I refer you to Eckhart Tolle's books The Power of Now and A New Earth.
Monday, January 3, 2011
2011: HAPPY NEW YEAR !
This is the time of year when people consider making changes in their lives. Some make New Year's resolutions; others prefer to set goals. Whatever you do, here are some suggestions for your success.
First, consider if this is a true goal or more of a wish or desire with few if any plans to act toward accomplishing it. If it is just wishful thinking, acknowledge it as such so you don't stress or feel guilty about not taking action or achieving the result.
If you are really serious about taking action, consider the following goal guidelines.
1. Make your goal realistic.
2. Make your goal measurable. For example, losing weight is too general. How would you know that you have actually accomplished it? Be specific enough that any observer can tell if you have accomplished it. For example, specify the amount of weight you want to lose. Set a target date by which you plan to achieve this goal or step.
3. Break your longer term goal down into smaller achievable steps.
4. Start with making one change at a time, continuing to act upon it even if you slip up now and then. Forgive yourself for slipping up and choose again in the next moment to act differently. Change happens by adding up consistent choices in each moment.
5. Move on to the next step once the first change is a regular part of your routine.
6. Acknowledge successes, regardless of how small.
7. Avoid beating yourself up for not accomplishing your goal. If you keep trying without succeeding then re-evaluate your goal to see if it is really something you can commit to or if it falls more into the realm of a wish.
8. Write down your goal or share it with a supportive friend. You are more likely to achieve goals when you are committed enough to share it with others.
Best wishes for achieving your goal! Feel free to comment on my blog or send me any questions.
First, consider if this is a true goal or more of a wish or desire with few if any plans to act toward accomplishing it. If it is just wishful thinking, acknowledge it as such so you don't stress or feel guilty about not taking action or achieving the result.
If you are really serious about taking action, consider the following goal guidelines.
1. Make your goal realistic.
2. Make your goal measurable. For example, losing weight is too general. How would you know that you have actually accomplished it? Be specific enough that any observer can tell if you have accomplished it. For example, specify the amount of weight you want to lose. Set a target date by which you plan to achieve this goal or step.
3. Break your longer term goal down into smaller achievable steps.
4. Start with making one change at a time, continuing to act upon it even if you slip up now and then. Forgive yourself for slipping up and choose again in the next moment to act differently. Change happens by adding up consistent choices in each moment.
5. Move on to the next step once the first change is a regular part of your routine.
6. Acknowledge successes, regardless of how small.
7. Avoid beating yourself up for not accomplishing your goal. If you keep trying without succeeding then re-evaluate your goal to see if it is really something you can commit to or if it falls more into the realm of a wish.
8. Write down your goal or share it with a supportive friend. You are more likely to achieve goals when you are committed enough to share it with others.
Best wishes for achieving your goal! Feel free to comment on my blog or send me any questions.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
MANAGING HOLIDAY STRESS
I thought I would repeat my post from last year about this topic. Hope you can use some of these ideas.
There are many aspects of the holidays that add to our everyday stress levels. There are added responsibilities and certain expectations which we need to handle. One thing to keep in mind is the power of what you think. Try to re-frame any negative thoughts to positive ones. Keep things in perspective. Now would be a good time to review my comments on expectations. (Nov. 6 blog post). Expect less of yourself and others, keeping expectations realistic or letting some of them go altogether. Release past resentments toward family, friends, and situations to allow you to enjoy the present.
Second, set realistic boundaries on your time, space and relationships. Say NO to requests that you can't or don't want to do. Let other people help you and ask for help when needed.
Take care of yourself, ensuring time for breaks, rest, relaxation and self care. Be sure to eat healthy foods at regular intervals. Skipping meals is common when pressured with so many activities. If you are on the go at least eat a nutrition bar, piece of fruit, or an easy snack.
Shop online or from catalogs to save time and hassles. When you are out shopping, take time to share smiles, courtesy and kindness with others. Those frazzled clerks will appreciate your patience and thanks, as well as your taking time to call them by name. Listen to the seasonal music and sing along to lift your spirits and fill your heart with joy. Take a minute to try out the massage chairs or other relaxation tools that are promoted as gifts at this time of year. Be kind to yourself as well as to others.
Finances can be a key source of stress. Plan a budget and stick to it. Buy a low-cost toy within your budget and donate it to a local charity. Giving anonymously lifts your spirits while bringing joy to another.
There are many aspects of the holidays that add to our everyday stress levels. There are added responsibilities and certain expectations which we need to handle. One thing to keep in mind is the power of what you think. Try to re-frame any negative thoughts to positive ones. Keep things in perspective. Now would be a good time to review my comments on expectations. (Nov. 6 blog post). Expect less of yourself and others, keeping expectations realistic or letting some of them go altogether. Release past resentments toward family, friends, and situations to allow you to enjoy the present.
Second, set realistic boundaries on your time, space and relationships. Say NO to requests that you can't or don't want to do. Let other people help you and ask for help when needed.
Take care of yourself, ensuring time for breaks, rest, relaxation and self care. Be sure to eat healthy foods at regular intervals. Skipping meals is common when pressured with so many activities. If you are on the go at least eat a nutrition bar, piece of fruit, or an easy snack.
Shop online or from catalogs to save time and hassles. When you are out shopping, take time to share smiles, courtesy and kindness with others. Those frazzled clerks will appreciate your patience and thanks, as well as your taking time to call them by name. Listen to the seasonal music and sing along to lift your spirits and fill your heart with joy. Take a minute to try out the massage chairs or other relaxation tools that are promoted as gifts at this time of year. Be kind to yourself as well as to others.
Finances can be a key source of stress. Plan a budget and stick to it. Buy a low-cost toy within your budget and donate it to a local charity. Giving anonymously lifts your spirits while bringing joy to another.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
THINK ABOUT THESE QUOTES ON STRESS
This month I am going to share some quotes from others that I found in the Reader's Digest.
"If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you." (Calvin Coolidge)
"How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened." (Thomas Jefferson)
"As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men's minds more seriously than what they see."
(Julius Caesar, The Gallic War, Book VII)
"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." (Lily Tomlin, from her act)
"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." (Chinese Proverb)
Take some time to think about these and put the last two into practice over the next month. Let me know how you do and/or what you think. Do you have a quote of your own?
"If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you." (Calvin Coolidge)
"How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened." (Thomas Jefferson)
"As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men's minds more seriously than what they see."
(Julius Caesar, The Gallic War, Book VII)
"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." (Lily Tomlin, from her act)
"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." (Chinese Proverb)
Take some time to think about these and put the last two into practice over the next month. Let me know how you do and/or what you think. Do you have a quote of your own?
Monday, August 16, 2010
USING STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES IN LOSS
I recently had a major loss in my life and want to share a few related experiences. Fortunately for me I have been blessed with a lot of caring helpful people.
The social worker at the hospital told the family members that we all have our own grieving styles, which was helpful in understanding each other and in accepting our own behavior. My background has also been very helpful to me. Being able to get out of my mind and into my heart space with focus on my breathing has been very valuable.
Let me share an experience I had related to this at my church the day after our Celebration of Life service. While at church I was moved by the music leading into meditation and began to sob. My daughter and friend comforted me with their arms around me. The minister then led us into meditation with the focus being on our own breathing and letting go of thoughts. Being experienced at this, I was able to follow along and found peace following a deep exhalation and letting go. I was amazed at how quickly I could feel serene under the circumstances.
My "style" of coping, at least for now, has been to keep my thoughts occupied with all that I have to do as a result of the loss. Occasionally my thoughts take me into my story about the death, how lonely I will be, and so on. Following Eckhart Tolle's emphasis on getting out of the ego and its story, I am able to be fully in the "now" or present moment where I realize that I am safe and still have many things for which to be grateful.
I am aware of the grieving process and the need to resolve loss so as not to stuff the emotions which may later cause problems. I will remain an observer, staying in touch with my body, mind, and spirit as I resolve my grief. I also plan to use the help of others as I take care of myself during this challenging time.
I welcome any thoughts, comments or shared experiences you may wish to share on this blog. Remember, I am now posting my blog monthly but I check the site daily and will address any questions you may have in the meantime.
The social worker at the hospital told the family members that we all have our own grieving styles, which was helpful in understanding each other and in accepting our own behavior. My background has also been very helpful to me. Being able to get out of my mind and into my heart space with focus on my breathing has been very valuable.
Let me share an experience I had related to this at my church the day after our Celebration of Life service. While at church I was moved by the music leading into meditation and began to sob. My daughter and friend comforted me with their arms around me. The minister then led us into meditation with the focus being on our own breathing and letting go of thoughts. Being experienced at this, I was able to follow along and found peace following a deep exhalation and letting go. I was amazed at how quickly I could feel serene under the circumstances.
My "style" of coping, at least for now, has been to keep my thoughts occupied with all that I have to do as a result of the loss. Occasionally my thoughts take me into my story about the death, how lonely I will be, and so on. Following Eckhart Tolle's emphasis on getting out of the ego and its story, I am able to be fully in the "now" or present moment where I realize that I am safe and still have many things for which to be grateful.
I am aware of the grieving process and the need to resolve loss so as not to stuff the emotions which may later cause problems. I will remain an observer, staying in touch with my body, mind, and spirit as I resolve my grief. I also plan to use the help of others as I take care of myself during this challenging time.
I welcome any thoughts, comments or shared experiences you may wish to share on this blog. Remember, I am now posting my blog monthly but I check the site daily and will address any questions you may have in the meantime.
Monday, July 19, 2010
HUMAN BEING OR HUMAN DOING?
One of the things that leads to stress is the "to do" list. I often used to tell my husband that I had a million and one things to do. I used "to do" lists and would get satisfaction from crossing an item off once I had completed it. This would give me energy to go on and accomplish more.
What I eventually realized, however, was that my life was being run by my "to do" lists. I also came to realize that I needed to be in control of my life rather than my life being in control of me. At some point in my process I decided to balance my "to do" lists with "to be" lists. After all, we are called human beings not human doings.
What do I mean by "to be" lists? These activities come from that which connects us with others and to the universe in general. If we consider what we would do if we only had a week to live, I bet a high priority would be connecting with friends and loved ones. We would spend more time "being" with others rather than "doing" those things on our to do lists.
Things on my "To Be" list included such activities as spending quality time with family, seeing and/or calling friends, and spending time connecting with my spirituality. My favorite activity for the latter is to spend time in nature using all of my senses, one at a time, to take in and connect with every aspect of the universe. One simple and favorite place to do this is in my own back yard, where I have a swing under a covered gazebo.
My challenge to you over the next month is to examine your life and how you spend your time. Are you a slave to your "to do" list? Do you provide a balance in your life between "being" and "doing"? Do you give yourself time to do the really important things in life that you choose to do rather than do out of obligation?
My plan is to do a new post monthly. If a reader wishes to get specific questions answered or share their experiences, please feel free to comment or send me an email. I am now reviewing comments before they are posted.
If you wish to review stress management ideas, feel free to go back and review past posts.
Enjoy my new challenge to you. See you back next month!
What I eventually realized, however, was that my life was being run by my "to do" lists. I also came to realize that I needed to be in control of my life rather than my life being in control of me. At some point in my process I decided to balance my "to do" lists with "to be" lists. After all, we are called human beings not human doings.
What do I mean by "to be" lists? These activities come from that which connects us with others and to the universe in general. If we consider what we would do if we only had a week to live, I bet a high priority would be connecting with friends and loved ones. We would spend more time "being" with others rather than "doing" those things on our to do lists.
Things on my "To Be" list included such activities as spending quality time with family, seeing and/or calling friends, and spending time connecting with my spirituality. My favorite activity for the latter is to spend time in nature using all of my senses, one at a time, to take in and connect with every aspect of the universe. One simple and favorite place to do this is in my own back yard, where I have a swing under a covered gazebo.
My challenge to you over the next month is to examine your life and how you spend your time. Are you a slave to your "to do" list? Do you provide a balance in your life between "being" and "doing"? Do you give yourself time to do the really important things in life that you choose to do rather than do out of obligation?
My plan is to do a new post monthly. If a reader wishes to get specific questions answered or share their experiences, please feel free to comment or send me an email. I am now reviewing comments before they are posted.
If you wish to review stress management ideas, feel free to go back and review past posts.
Enjoy my new challenge to you. See you back next month!
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